


the monster

by jpnxjcs



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Angel!Josh, Angel!Sejun, Demon/Spirit!Yani, Grim Reaper!Justin, Human!Ken, Jahstell - partners, Joken - partners, Kentin - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29509929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jpnxjcs/pseuds/jpnxjcs
Summary: ken was always reminded by his grandparents to feed the monster under his bed, not knowing the advice was real and quite literal..
Relationships: Justin De Dios & Felip Jhon Suson | Ken
Kudos: 5





	1. the monster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [@JAHstForKenOnly](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%40JAHstForKenOnly).



**_I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed_ **   
**_Get along with the voices inside of my head_ **   
**_You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath_ **   
**_And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy_ **

**_I wanted the fame, but not the cover of Newsweek_ **   
**_Oh, well, guess beggars can't be choosey_ **   
**_Wanted to receive attention for my music_ **   
**_Wanted to be left alone in public. Excuse me_ **   
**_For wanting my cake and eat it too, and wanting it both ways_ **   
**_Fame made me a balloon 'cause my ego inflated_ **   
**_When I blew; see, but it was confusing_ **   
**_'Cause all I wanted to do is be the Bruce Lee of loose leaf_ **   
**_Abused ink, used it as a tool when I blew steam (wooh!)_ **   
**_Hit the lottery, oh wee_ **   
**_But with what I gave up to get it was bittersweet_ **   
**_It was like winning a used mink_ **   
**_Ironic 'cause I think I'm getting so huge I need a shrink_ **   
**_I'm beginning to lose sleep: one sheep, two sheep_ **   
**_Going cuckoo and cooky as Kool Keith_ **   
**_But I'm actually weirder than you think_ **   
**_'Cause I'm_ **

**_I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed_ **   
**_Get along with the voices inside of my head_ **   
**_You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath_ **   
**_And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy_ **

**_Well, that's nothing_ **   
**_Well, that's nothing_ **

**_Now, I ain't much of a poet but I know somebody once told me_ **   
**_To seize the moment and don't squander it_ **   
**_'Cause you never know when it all could be over tomorrow_ **   
**_So I keep conjuring, sometimes I wonder where these thoughts spawn from_ **   
**_(Yeah, pondering'll do you wonders._ **   
**_No wonder you're losing your mind the way it wanders.)_ **   
**_Yoda-loda-le-hee-hoo_ **   
**_I think it went wandering off down yonder_ **   
**_And stumbled on 'ta Jeff VanVonderen_ **   
**_'Cause I need an interventionist_ **   
**_To intervene between me and this monster_ **   
**_And save me from myself and all this conflict_ **   
**_'Cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it_ **   
**_My OCD's conking me in the head_ **   
**_Keep knocking, nobody's home, I'm sleepwalking_ **   
**_I'm just relaying what the voice in my head's saying_ **   
**_Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just friends with the_ **

**_I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed_ **   
**_Get along with the voices inside of my head_ **   
**_You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath_ **   
**_And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy_ **

**_Well, that's nothing_ **   
**_Well, that's nothing_ **

**_Call me crazy but I have this vision_ **   
**_One day that I'd walk amongst you a regular civilian_ **   
**_But until then drums get killed and I'm coming straight at_ **   
**_MCs, blood get spilled and I'll_ **   
**_Take you back to the days that I'd get on a Dre track_ **   
**_Give every kid who got played that_ **   
**_Pumped up feeling and shit to say back_ **   
**_To the kids who played him_ **   
**_I ain't here to save the fucking children_ **   
**_But if one kid out of a hundred million_ **   
**_Who are going through a struggle feels it and then relates that's great_ **   
**_It's payback, Russell Wilson falling way back_ **   
**_In the draft, turn nothing into something, still can make that_ **   
**_Straw into gold chump, I will spin Rumpelstiltskin in a haystack_ **   
**_Maybe I need a straightjacket, face facts_ **   
**_I am nuts for real, but I'm okay with that_ **   
**_It's nothing, I'm still friends with the_ **

**_I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed_ **   
**_Get along with the voices inside of my head_ **   
**_You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath_ **   
**_And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy_ **

**_I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed_ **   
**_Get along with the voices inside of my head_ **   
**_You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath_ **   
**_And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy_ **

**_Well, that's nothing_ **   
**_Well, that's nothing_ **


	2. principium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of his nighmare..

"Isn't that a bit too angsty?"

" _Gah_! Steeeeell!" the older, taller male laughed as the young noirette whined at him.

"Sorry. You were just in too deep, I couldn't help myself."

"Doesn't give you the right to scare me," the younger mumbled, shaking his head.

"Okay, okay.. I'm sorry. But why is the song so.. sad? In a way?"

"It just is. See, it's kind of a metaphor. It has a little bit of my story in it."

"Which is?" the gleam in Stell's eyes were too hard to ignore, that Ken swore they had some kind of a magnetic pull towards him.

"Okay, fine. So.. you know how we lived in an old barrio before, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, it's sort of a head-nod to that. When I was younger, my grandparents would often remind me to 'feed the monster under my bed'. I never really understood it. Not until my teen years. At night, I would hear a hum, or a growl and there would be no one in the room with me. I always snuck a slice of bread or a muffin and place it by the bottom of my bed.

"I always tried to see if anyone would actually grab it, but I'd always fall asleep before I could see anything. And when I'd wake up, I would be back in the same position I was in before I placed the food there. And if I would ask my grandparents, they would shrug and avoid the topic.

"I never really saw it with my own eyes, but I like to imagine that we were friends. I shared my food, and even whispered into thin air, thinking that someone from the beyond could hear me."

"Wow," Stell breathed out. "That.. is a lot of information."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. You did ask for it, though."

"I know. And.. you still think about that now?"

"In honest truth? Yes. I still can't shake the feeling that.. that _monster_ , whatever it is, followed me here."

"You better be careful, then. Take extra care now."

"I will, I will."

" _Kaya mo ba_? I can stay here."

"No, no. They need you at work. I'll be fine, Stell." Stell gave him an uneasy glance before shutting the door.

He tried to stand but stumbled, nearly falling to the floor if he didn't hold onto the doorframe. He was about to give up and surrender back to the dining room chair but suddenly felt a semi-strong force help him stand long enough for him to stumble into his room.

He lightly touched his leg as he sat down on his bed, his mind travelling back years ago to when he had his accident.

He shook his head and grimaced at the memory, wincing as his head slightly throbbed.

"The memory still can't possibly haunt you after all this time, can it?" a smooth, velvety voice asked from the corner of his room. He froze, looking up to see a black, cloaked figure standing-no. _Hovering_ by his coat rack.

"W-who..w-wh-"

"Hush, love. Rest."

"Who are you?" he asked after finally gaining his voice back. "How did you get in here?" he was about to stand up when he felt the same force gently push him back down the bed. The wind draped his thick blanket over his freezing body, giving him warmth enough to calm down.

"Someone who knows you all too well. I'd rather if you saved your questions for the morning. I'm sure you're exhausted from all that physical therapy."

"How did you.." he trailed off, letting sleep take over him.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Felip. Sweet dreams." and just as he was about to press a soft kiss on the older male's forehead, he stopped.

He resumed to his previous position and shook his head, staring at Ken for the last time before leaving the place.

_After all this time... I finally met you.._


	3. postremo unus qui videt, qui sunt viscera mea super eum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he's waited for years and years until he could finally meet him again.. but will he be happy?

Ken shot up with a gasp, shirt drenched with sweat and chest heaving as his wide eyes adjusted to the bright light. He turned to the same exact corner of his room where he saw the floating figure the night before and felt his heart tighten.

_Was last night just a dream_?

"Where are you?" he asked into the thin air, shuddering when he felt a cool breeze caress his cheek. He shut his eyes tightly and shook his head, moving to the edge of his bed.

"A little help?" he asked again, smiling a little bit when that same force helped him stand and walk smoothly to his bathroom. After making himself look presentable, he stepped out and walked back into his room, making sure all of his belongings were in his bag.

"So.. I guess I'm going now. You'll still be here when I get home, right?" This time, instead of a cold breeze, it was a warm one, as if reassuring him. He smiled at the calmness that surrounded him, nodding.

"Okay. Bye, then. I'll see you later." He should've felt silly. And he really did.

But he wasn't gonna let that stop him from believing that he really was talking to someone. Even if the said 'someone' couldn't be seen.

.-.

"You're an idiot." The younger male scoffed as he heard his friend's remark, rolling his eyes.

"So are you, don't play innocent."

"I'm serious, Justin. You're dabbling in dangerous waters."

"How dangerous are we talking, piranhas, or sharks?"

" _De Dios_." 

"Jesus, Stell. You used to have a sense of humour."

"Yeah, well, that was before you asked me to watch over _him_. Do you even know how much he's suffering because of this? Because of you?"

"I didn't want this to happen, Stell. I thought he'd let it go. That he'd never believe in me."

"Well, he does. And now he's losing sleep because of it. Do you even know he had an accident years ago?" Justin then punched the wall, shutting his eyes tightly.

"Fuck, Stell, I know, okay? I know that accident all too well. I was fucking there and I couldn't do anything." He punched the wall again and was about to repeat it until he felt Stell grab his hand and pull him back.

"Stop it. You should take care of your hands. You'll need them to save him in the future. Maybe sooner than you think."

"Are you praying for him to get into a second accident?" Justin weakly chuckled, sighing when Stell wiped the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

"You know what I mean," he softly said, caressing the younger's cheek. "Don't worry. When we can't watch him, I'll send one who would be best for him. He'll be taken care of."

"Thank you." Justin mouthed, leaning his head into the older's shoulder.

"If you're done moping about someone who doesn't know you exist, _Reaper_ , father is asking for you." Justin's gaze turned cold, almost icy as he glared at his brother.

"You don't have to be so heartless, Yani," Stell mumbled, stopping in front of him.

"Don't you have somewhere to go to, angel? Or.. fallen angel, was it?"

"You had a living, beating heart too. Don't forget that." Stell finally stalked out of the room, softly shutting the door behind him. Yani stared at the door with the same cold gaze his brother had given him, not an ounce of emotion his face.

He stared at the photo frame that stood on the table and caused a vibration, strong enough to break the glass, allowing the photo it previously held to drift off to the floor.

He shook his head and vanished into thin air, letting the last remains of his humanity shatter and fall to the ground.

.-.

"I know you hate being out there on the field, but I really need you. There's someone we have to help."

"Of all the people, _angels_ , here, you had to choose me. You know I was chosen to be one for a reason, right?"

"Because you gave your life away to save someone. You weren't supposed to, you didn't need to, but you did it anyways. And that's the bravest thing anyone has ever done. Ever. That's why, how, I know you can help us with this. Please, Josh."

The older male sighed, dropping his head in the taller's chest. The younger's arms immediately wrapped around him, pulling him close.

"What's his situation?"

"We just need someone to watch over him when we can't. Someone to.. to take in a human form to stay with him. My abilities are limited since I've been staying with him ever since he moved to the city."

"You know there's a chance that it may take a while for me to return, right? And.. if I get into any accidents, I.. I might not.."

"Shh.. shh, I know. I know. And I'm ready to take full responsibility for whatever happens." Josh lifted his head and leaned up, capturing the younger male's lips in a soft kiss before breaking away, sighing as the younger wiped his cheeks.

"I love you, Stell.." he whispered, touching their foreheads together.

"I love you too, Josh.."

.-.

"You sure you're okay with this?" Justin asked him as they waited.

"For someone who helps dead people cross.. you seem to cry a lot. I'm pretty sure if we collected your tears, it'll be deeper than the Pacific Ocean. Or even the Mariana Trench."

"That's in the Pacific, genius. Are you okay with this?"

"It's a stake in the heart. No pun or joke intended. But.. yeah. I believe in him. I believe in yours too. He's strong, you know?" Justin smiled at that.

"I do."

_I promise I'll be there by your side soon, Felip. Just a little longer.._


	4. verum ex ore angeli lapsi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh decides to break the rules in order to tell the truth, shocking a very shaken up Ken about the truth of his past..

_Breathe in, breathe out._

_Breathe in, breath out._

Those were Josh's instructions to him as he told him everything that he needed to know. it had been minutes ( _or was it hours?_ ) since Josh had stopped talking, but the memory and words rung in his ears.

_Josh was an angel._

_So was Stell._

_And another angel, Justin, had been that invisible friend that he'd had since he was a child._

When Josh tried to touch his arm, he flinched, curling in on himself. The older male watched with pain, regret and guilt blooming in his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Ken. You needed to know the truth." The younger shook his head rapidly, causing tears to roll down his cheeks.

"Y-you're not real. You're not an angel. Justin.. you're not _real_." he edged on the last word, muffling his sobs with a throw pillow. Josh tried touching his arm again, and thankfully, he wasn't pushed away this time.

"Do you know why I was chosen?" he softly asked, being wary of how the younger could react. Ken shook his head no, trying to keep his self together. His lungs were closing up on him but he suddenly felt calm, a warm breeze blowing against his face.

"May I?" it was only then he realized that Josh's hands were by his face, keeping a small distance as they waited for approval. He nodded, closing his eyes and gasping as he felt his soul get pushed out of his body.

Everything felt cold and strange around him, but Josh's hands on his face kept him warm, soothing him. His eyes widened as he looked around.

"Ken?" he was suddenly aware of Josh's hand interlacing with his, giving it a soft squeeze.

"It's so... beautiful.." Josh smiled as Ken's eyes looked around in amazement and awe. Clouds and clouds of colour swirled all around them, giving it an almost dreamy aura.

Ken felt safe. Strangely, he felt like nothing could go wrong right where he were.

But he knew that Josh brought him here for a reason.

"I'm ready.."

"Are you sure? We can stay a little longer." Ken nodded, gripping his hand tightly as Josh moved them somewhere else.

When his eyes opened, they widened upon the realization of where they were. Before Josh could even say anything, he already knew.

"What.. what are we doing here?"

"Do you remember when this was?"

"The night of my accident."

_Ken had been drunk on the pain he felt on his way home from his so-called friends' house. Confusion was the first thing when he woke up, chest blooming with pain and guilt all of a sudden._

_He didn't want to believe it. He never did._

_"Oh my god. Oh my god, he's awake! Get Dr. Castro! Can you hear me? Felip?"_

_But he knew he had to at some point._

_He reached for the nurse's hand, gripping it tightly as he felt the burn of the tubes stuck in his chest and arm. His breathing grew laboured, even though he had an oxygen mask. But he'd always had a breathing problem, so there was nothing he could do as his lungs fought for air._

_"You're gonna be okay, you hear me? You're gonna be okay, Felip. Where is he?!" ken quinted as he tried to read her nametag but he felt sleep trying to pull him back into a slumber._

_"No, no no no no, stay awake. Stay awake, Felip. Where the hell is he?!" Ken just gave up, letting his eyes flutter shut. The last thing he heard was the nurse screaming his name and the sounds of running footsteps storming into the room._

_When he woke up again, his eyes squinted to see the same nurse from the night before writing something on her clipboard._

_"Oh hey, you're awake." she sat by his side, smiling as she took his hand. He squinted his eyes again, reading her nametag. 'Athena Santos'._

_"Would you like some water?" he nodded, humming when warm liquid ran down his throat._

_"How are you feeling?" she asked, rubbing his knuckles._

_"Shouldn't you be asking what I remember?" he weakly chuckled, trying to ignore the tears that threatened to fall._

_"We'll get to that later. How are you?" he stayed silent, shoulders slumping as the tears he'd been holding back finally fell down his cheeks. She carefully pulled him into her arms, rubbing his back._

_"It's okay to cry, Felip. It's okay." she soothed him._

_All the pain he felt that day came rushing back, along with swirls of memories that he knew had long faded away from his brain. He was about to ask Josh when the image suddenly changed, revealing another person in a separate bed, the nurses and doctors surrounding him as they tried to save him._

_They kept pumping his chest and giving oxygen to his lungs but he laid there limply, clothes dirty and bloody. Ken's eyes widened when his hand slipped off the bed, hanging by the side._

_His heart sank when he realized: the stranger was dead._

_"Time of death, seven nineteen in the evening." the doctors shook their heads, frowning as they covered him with a blanket._

_"S-sir! The other patient is awake!" they took one look at each other and ran out, giving the now dead patient one last glance before running as fast as they could._

_"H-how.." present-life Ken trailed off, tears rolling down his cheeks. Josh tightly held his hand as they moved to a different memory, a piece of Ken's heart tearing itself away as he realized where they were this time: the scene of his accident._

_He was storming through the crowds of people and the busy streets to somewhere away from where he had come from. He couldn't feel anything else but pain and hatred once the truth became clear._

_He was apparently just being used, and what's worse, is that he wasn't even angry at them. He was more angry at himself for being so easily fooled like that. He felt like a total idiot and he didn't want anything more than to just disappear._

_What he didn't know, that his wish was being granted. But.. it required another life along with his._

_He stalked past the annoyed people he shoved aside, earphones buried in his ears and blasting music that drowned out the rest of the world, and apparently the voice of his would-be saviour._

_"Kid! Hey, watch out!" But it was too late. The stranger ran as fast as he could, wrapping his arms around Ken so that the advancing vehicle would hit him and not the younger boy in his arms._

_As the vehicle sped away, they rolled onto the sidewalk, shirts dirtied and bloody. The stranger groaned, blood gushing out of his head and mouth, eyes widening as he saw the state the younger was in._

_Ken was already knocked unconscious, blood gushing out from his head and spilling out of his mouth, along with the evident wounds on his legs. His breathing and heartbeat were faint as the stranger tried to shake him awake._

_"K-kid.. hey.. w-wake up.." he gently shoved the younger's shoulder but he remained asleep, slowly slipping away. He whimpered, vision blurring as he desperately looked around for help._

_Thankfully, a group of cyclists saw them and ran over, eyes widening as they saw their state._

_"P-please.. h-help him.." he croaked, gripping the cyclist's hand and staring at Ken one last time before his eyes fluttered shut._

Ken whimpered as he was brought back to reality, hugging his knees to his chest as he assessed everything he had just seen. The pain in his chest was worse when he realized who the stranger was.

Josh.

Josh had died for him.

Because of his stupidity and selfishness, someone's life had been taken away.

He sobbed, feeling the impact of the car as he tried to wriggle away from Josh's strong arms. He tried to free himself, but Josh's arms were tight around him, providing warmth for his numbing body.

"J-Josh.." he whimpered.

"Shh.. shh.. it's okay.." Josh soothed him, running his fingers through the younger's hair.

"I-I'm sorry.." he sobbed against Josh's chest, the guilt in his chest making it harder for him to breathe.

"Shh.. shh.. it's okay, I never blamed you. I'm actually glad. I'm thankful because I got to save someone that day. A life was saved and it made me feel like I was important. That's why they chose me.

"It's not your fault, okay? I never blamed you. You didn't do anything wrong. You were just in pain, and I know how that feels. I never blamed you. It's okay. You're okay." he kept whispering soothing and comforting words in his ears, smiling when he heard soft snores coming from the younger's mouth.

_It's okay.._

.-.

Ken woke up the next morning alone. Josh was nowhere to be seen and he frowned, sighing as he remembered what happened the night before. He was about to panic when he smelt bacon and the sweet scent of maple syrup from the kitchen.

"A little help?" he asked, sighing when he felt the same force carefully guide him to the dining room.

"Oh, hey. You're awake." he hummed, mentally thanking Justin for helping him. Wherever he was.

"How did.. how did Stell.." he couldn't finish his sentence.

"He's very hardworking. It's one of the things I love about him, to be honest. But sometimes, he can be a bit too much. He overworks himself and forgets to take care of himself while taking care of others. He passed away when he was around.. twenty-one, I believe. He was working part-time jobs, he had a lot of them, bless him.

"Eventually, it began to affect his body. Water filled his lungs and he passed away in his sleep." Ken frowned. Why didn't Stell just tell him anything?

"How.. how is Justin like? What kind of a person-er.. angel, is he?" Josh chuckled, shaking his head.

"he's a stubborn kid, that one. Even before you were a teenager, we already told him to stop haunting you. But, we all know how that ended up." Ken softly chuckled, remembering all the years he spent alone, hoping he could see his invisible friend at some point.

"He'd been stubborn, even as a child. But he's loving, caring and willing to give himself for others. He's willing to sacrifice himself."

"How long had he been.. an angel?"

"He.. passed away just after you turned three. We never knew why, and neither did his parents. He somehow found you when you were four and had been your guardian ever since." Ken frowned. He couldn't believe it.

"Since he was a fallen angel, he was given the name 'The Grim Reaper'. He helps people cross to the other side, meeting him at the gateway located here on Earth. His brother, Yani, is the one who qualifies the souls entering whether they were good people or not.

"He never had a good relationship with Justin."

"Why?"

"Yani was angry when Justin passed away. But he was angry because their parents didn't even want to try and revive him. And he was upset because Justin didn't seem upset either. He took his life with hatred, not even sparing a glance at a seven year old Justin when he met him at the doorway. But instead of throwing him in Hell, the angels considered him a fallen angel.

"They gave him the job to read into people's minds to hear their thoughts. Justin never got mad at him even if he was ignored all these years. He knew and understood why he had taken his life, so, as the good brother he was, he kept his distance." Ken sighed, pain blooming in his chest once again.

He didn't realize how heavy everything they dealt with was.

"Hey.. we're okay now, okay? Yani will get over everything soon. Stell is happy where he is right now. And so is Justin, knowing you're safe and sound. We're okay." a gentle breeze against his cheek informed him that they really were.

He sighed, letting Josh calm him down.

.-.

"Ow?" Stell frowned when Ken gently shoved his shoulder.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" he huffed, crossing his arms across his chest as Josh chuckled from behind him.

"Justin would've had my head on a silver platter if I told you."

"That didn't stop Josh from telling me." he frowned.

"I'm sorry. You weren't ready back then, Ken. I was just trying to protect you." he sighed, wrapping his arms around the older's shoulders, nuzzling his head on his shoulder.

From across the street, where he couldn't be seen, Yani watched, unable to believe that emotion was actually finding its way back into his heart. He shook his head, wiping the single tear that fell down his cheek.

_Not today._


End file.
